Two sides of a holy matrimony

Men are polygamous by nature – a fact reinstated by my Biology teacher in grade seven has made such an impact in my life; I am usually biased when matrimony ends in divorce. While I was still in school, I remember every other girl in my class had come from a family that still followed the norms of society – both parents in a blissful union. That was back in the eighty’s. Today our society has taken to the western civilization where divorces though still frowned upon happen more in real life than in a western soap. 

The saying ‘give women a skill and the whole family is secured’ a development term so true can also be the reason for the westernization of the Nepali matrimony. Give women education and a holy marriage no longer seems holier. Back then, I wondered why so many men and women divorced in the western countries and took pride in the way our families functioned. Had I known the reasons behind a divorce I would have never blamed any culture or influence. 

Men are polygamous in nature is not just a biological fact but is equally welcome and nurtured by our society. Living in a patriarchal society is not a smooth sail for many Nepali married women. The trouble at home brews when the families forgive the philandering nature of men who then never learn to realize the impact of their mistakes. Young boys who witness their fathers or uncles getting away with their philandering nature will not think twice before they embark on a similar journey on becoming a man. 

Although understood, socially, that educated and financially stronger women opt for divorces tired of their unfaithful husbands. Women in rural areas are not far behind. Social injustice and domestic violence coupled with their husband’s spousal relationships are some of the reasons marriages end in divorce. 

Nevertheless, I do not want to dwell on the discrimination women face in all corners of life, I just want to emphasize the wide acceptance of males extramarital affairs in our society. Four years back, a colleague of mine just married found out about her husband’s extra marital affair. With numerous attempts coupled with emotional blackmails had failed to stop her husband, she took the matter to her in laws. To her surprise, the in laws refused to believe her and instead supported her son. This blinded faith and support from the elders of the family would definitely encourage any son to commit similar mistakes again. I often wonder what these in laws would say if their own daughter was in a similar situation. 

Schadenfreude I would say. The reason I like this word is because our society thrives on it – we derive pleasure at the misfortune of others. Our society is intent on making the men happier even when they are grieving for their dead wives. Twelve years back, my aunt died at the age of 52 and my uncle was married off because the society felt he would be a lonely soul and that he needed a woman to take care of him. I know for sure, if my uncle were dead instead of my aunt – the society would have never allowed my aunt to re marry because she would not need a companion. Discrimination when alive is painful enough, even after death is truly evil. 

Yes, society is to blame but the personal choices men make is equally to blame leaving the burden of saving the marriage wholly to their women. Because when Nepali marriages fail, the wives are at fault and their husbands showered with the society’s sympathy slip away without a dent – leaving the wives scarred forever. 

When families fail to hold the men accountable for their mistakes the only resort women have is to seek divorce – a woman with dignity and self-respect would definitely take this path. Faint-hearted women will cringe and continue to live with their unfaithful husbands – often paraded by the society as an example for a holy matrimony. Whatever the path the judgment is always bitter because no human being has the courage to fight nature – the polygamous thus rules. 

http://www.ekantipur.com/the-kathmandu-post/2012/12/01/free-the-words/cheating-husbands/242356.html