It’s the bacon that matters

We know the importance of earning our own bacon and we know the anguish of waiting!

Women are agreeing to what Anne Marie Slaughter wrote in her article ‘Why Women Still Can’t Have It All?’ and men seem to be debating against it claiming men never ‘had it all’. A male writer recently wrote ‘men don’t complain’ and that is one of the main reasons why their side of the story is never heard, their pain and their pangs of guilt – all bottled up.  

Life was so much simpler when men hunted and women gathered. The task was easy and focused. Men hunted outside of their homes and women looked after their children and homes and waited for a kill to cook and feed their families. Roles were defined and everyone seemed happier. I believe complications started after women started working and bringing the bacon home sometimes more than their husbands did.  

I deliberately use the word ‘complications’ because I don’t see women working and bringing the bacon home as a problem. Men are happy when their women earn and share the household income but instantly upset when they have to share the house chore – this complication then becomes a problem not just for the men and women but for their families too. I understand this complication as any true Nepali working woman would. The problem starts when women feign double standards both at home and work. I agree with Ms. Slaughter’s statement - it is difficult for women everywhere. I do not expect men to understand my family problems when I take leave after leave but I have learned that you cannot expect women to understand either even though they may have faced similar situations in the past. I will quote Madeline Albright here who said “there is a special place for women in hell who don’t help other women,” she must have said this because she even as the Secretary of State of the United States must have faced similar challenges at work and at home as many other women still do. 

Women are touted to perform competently at work as their male peers while juggling a thousand schedules both at work and home. I know, no one asked us to work and some of us who are lucky can afford to stay home too. But the hypocrisy starts here. My mother didn’t raise me to be a housewife but mothers desperately want a daughter in law who can be loyal housewives and the fancy modern mothers wouldn’t mind if their daughter in laws worked and earned too. The saying goes deep in our Nepali culture ‘no matter how educated a woman is she will always have to use the ladle’.  

So why can’t a woman have it all? The answer is women want it all at any cost. We may cry and our guilt may override our planned outings with our girlfriends but we still want it all. We want to become the best daughter, wife, and mother, and at the same time become executives, managers and head of the companies. We happily take the various roles we play on our stride and report to work every day as if nothing could stop us because we know the importance of earning our own bacon, we know the anguish of waiting and we know if we persistently do what we do; WE can buy better quality bacon.

To all those women who either buy their own bacon or wait for their bacon patiently, there is no wrong or right. To think that there are not many women in higher positions, to think that women have lower representation in making important decisions and to this I say keep doing what you are doing and we will get there sooner than later. Women are strong and independent and capable of making our own decisions. I respect every choice: a workaholic mother who just missed her child’s parent-teacher meeting, a house wife who desperately dreams of going to work every day, a mother who wants her daughter to succeed at work and a mother who wants her daughter in law to stay home docile. At the end we make our choices and who we want to be. And yes we will keep complaining because frankly my dear it is no body’s business.

http://www.ekantipur.com/the-kathmandu-post/2012/07/07/free-the-words/its-the-bacon-that-matters/236918.html