Here’s to strong
women; may we know them; may we be them; may we raise them – anonymous.
During a typical sophomore year in college, our English
Professor asked us to raise our hands if we were a feminist. I waited for the
class and since not many students raised their hands I decided to be the sheep.
Our professor stated every one of us are feminists by nature, some of us feel strongly
about what we believe equal rights are and some of us, well we have other
priorities. That day I didn’t feel strongly about anything in particular.
And because I started blogging sometime back I realized I feel
strongly about my rights as a woman and that for my daughter. So if you happen
to read my blogs you will read a lot about what I think an idealistic
Nepal/world should be for my daughter to grow up in. You will also read a lot
about me shunning the worldly rituals rightfully reserved for women. Ours is obviously
sourced from the famous shastras which makes it even more significant. So here
I am thinking loudly - I am a feminist.
I am proud that I feel strongly about how a woman should live her life
and I will fight to ensure that my rights aren’t violated.
Being a feminist isn’t about whining or complaining that the
men have it all, and well, we are still struggling to break that glass ceiling.
I get it. When women are excluded from decision making positions we will continue
to suffer. It helps when women, powerful women like Sheryl Sandberg and others
like her, unlike her telling us we can and should have it all too. I do read
them all just to make sure I don’t get off track. Just kidding. I read them
because their words support us in our daily struggles big or small.
It is never about claiming one’s gender’s perceived actions.
I know I want to fight a fair battle and I certainly do not expect to be
treated in a certain way just because I am a woman. In fact while I was heavily
pregnant, I would often stand in the doctor’s waiting room because the men
didn’t leave their seats. I simply shied away thinking men have a lot to learn
in this country. They can’t help themselves; they weren’t taught any better.
Education starts at home. Our behavior in public space reflects how we were
brought up our homes.
When I see a successful woman I will fully credit her
success solely on her merits. I am sad defending a woman’s success. Because
well, women aren’t supposed to get to the top on their merits alone. They must
have had an affair with the boss is the famous one liner I hear often and it is
mostly the women who spread these rumors. It is sad defending women with men
but it is pathetic defending women with women. We fight the battles not just
with the other gender but sometimes our gender is the strongest monster we have
to deal with.
Sometime back one of the relatives we knew left her husband
and her two children. She was young, beautiful, and educated. All the family
members pitied the husband while the wife was called names and immediately treated
as an outcast. The kids were turned against her. At home, I opined, we don’t
know the whole story. We have to hear from the wife too. Why did she run away?
Being a woman and a mother I know a mother will never leave her home or her
children unless she has been burdened with pain she cannot bear. A couple of weeks
later we found out the husband abused her physically and mentally and she couldn’t
bear to live with him any longer. I reminded all those women who had shunted
her. Despite knowing the truth none of these women sympathized with the poor
girl. That day I learned a valuable lesson. No matter how right a woman is she
will always be wrong if she leaves her husband – because it’s only a woman’s
job to hold her family together.
What the women don’t understand is when we stand up for this
one woman we make a difference. And if it is one of your own or for that matter
you, let me tell you, it will be easier for others to fight it for you and for
us.
One of my male friends never fails to point out how strongly
I portray myself as a feminist. He was surprised when I didn’t hesitate to ask a
male salesperson for a sports bras. I tried them on and asked him for another
size because it didn’t fit right the first time. Now, what is a girl supposed
to do if a store only has male salespersons? Would you walk away just because
there were no female staff? I didn’t. Another male friend asked me to start
volunteering recently. Excuse me, my life is pretty meaningful to me. I don’t
need a male friend to judge how I should live my life. Being a feminist isn’t
always about doing what the just society sees fit. Being a feminist isn’t about
dressing up in khadi kurtas and attending each and every street procession. I
am a feminist and I love doing my nails, I love wearing girly dresses and it
gives me immense pleasure when I spend and splurge and stock sales online.
Phew!
Being opinionated has its own perks. People will think twice
before they portray their chauvinism naturally. It also them (mostly female)
and I love it when they have to rephrase most of the sentences they are about
to speak. But seriously, our struggle to live with equal rights starts from our
homes. And because our culture rightfully
romanticizes the fact that girls must leave their birth home to live with their
husbands and their families - we have already lost half the battle.
And hence, the battle continues. We fight our demons
everywhere, every time. We speak up, we are labelled a feminist, we don’t and
we are dumb. We are labelled constantly. I have decided, if one has a label for
me – let it be feminist.
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