http://ekantipur.com/saturday/2013/06/07/as-it-is/voices--shades-of-grey/249698.html
In China, the one child policy has imposed a huge burden on young married couples as they are left to care for two sets of graying parents The situation in Nepal might not be quite the same, but here too, young and middle-aged couples, very often with children of their own, shoulder the responsibilities of taking care of their parents and parents-in-law. A happy family where grandparents and grandchildren live together, and where parents provide for everything might sound perfect. But things are hardly as simple as that. Caring for the elderly is a subject matter seldom discussed in Nepal. It is almost taboo to speak of indecisions and doubts regarding the issue but we need to open our eyes and face the reality.
The past few decades have seen massive changes in the way our society functions, though, and siblings often share responsibility for their ageing parents. Man and woman stand more equally today which means daughters shoulder almost as much responsibility as sons, and husbands and wives often find they have two sets of ageing parents to care for. It is in such situations that discomforting conflicts of interest arise. Whose parents do we prioritise when it’s time to take special care of them? The human impulse will be to shout out, “Mine, of course.” But these things are a lot more complex. Relationships themselves can never be neatly boxed in black and white. There are numerous shades and variations of grey that we have to navigate across if we’re to find possible, fair solutions.
Our culture is very different from that of China’s, and we certainly do not belong to a ‘one-child’ generation. It is hence easier for us to find the best ways to care for the elderly. We need not spend time fretting about prioritising parents over parents-in-law because we have brothers and sisters who’ll share this responsibility with us. Parents, whether they’re my husband’s or mine, have given us our lives. It is important for us then to love them. We cannot abandon them when they need us most.
My mother will turn 70 in seven months’ time and because we live 450 km apart, the fear of her being left helpless gives me nightmares. Statistics show that children and elderly are the most abused population. What will happen to my parents when they will require love, caring and assistance in every step of their remaining lives? The driving force and the silent mentor behind my well being – my mother – has made me realize that just as she took care of her children with so much purpose will soon need to be looked after.
Care for the elderly seems to be an issue that has not as yet found its way into government agendas. As part of the nation’s workforce, men and women dutifully pay their taxes, and yet when they grow old, they have no option but to fall back on their family—their children who are by the time grown up and taking care of their own families—for support. The Sanchaya Kosh is a small relief, but the introduction, even imposition, of a system akin to a social security scheme—through which employees would contribute monthly certain portions of their salaries to be pensionable when they retire—would prove more effective. Such an arrangement would be a much-needed gift from the government to the people, most of whom work for private companies all their lives and do not have the pension benefits government employees enjoy.
Ageing generations all over the world have contributed to their nations’ development. The same is also true of Nepal and its elderly population who have every right to live a dignified life. It is not only the nation’s government but also its private companies and organisations that have failed its ageing population. There is no system, no plans in place to provide for employees once they retire. Affordable health insurance, retirement pension plans and dignified old age homes are altogether non-existent in Nepal, and one can only hope their need will be realised soon.
Our culture has always focused more on the ‘we’ than on the ‘I’, and while this certainly adds to the integrity of our societies, it also fuels a lack of accountability; there is no single person responsible for an error or failing. This is certainly true of our politicians who are busier playing the blame game than are promoting the nation’s and hence its citizens’ well-being. The modern Nepali middle-class is extremely uncertain of its future; low wages, inflation, soaring prices and limited job prospects plague our generation and it is difficult to provide for both our children and our parents. Having said this, the monetary costs of caring for our parents are not excessively burdensome. Of course, serious illnesses bring along hefty hospital bills but what our parents need most from us are love respect and a sense of belonging.
Most of my college mates settled in the US do not want to return. Limited job prospects might be the main reason most chose to stay back, but the ‘joint family issue’ as some put it is also a major reason. Freedom alone does not signify happiness. Living in a foreign land without family support does have its share of advantages and disadvantages. What happens when we start greying? Will our children take time out from their busy lives to care for their ageing parents?
In China, the one child policy has imposed a huge burden on young married couples as they are left to care for two sets of graying parents The situation in Nepal might not be quite the same, but here too, young and middle-aged couples, very often with children of their own, shoulder the responsibilities of taking care of their parents and parents-in-law. A happy family where grandparents and grandchildren live together, and where parents provide for everything might sound perfect. But things are hardly as simple as that. Caring for the elderly is a subject matter seldom discussed in Nepal. It is almost taboo to speak of indecisions and doubts regarding the issue but we need to open our eyes and face the reality.
The past few decades have seen massive changes in the way our society functions, though, and siblings often share responsibility for their ageing parents. Man and woman stand more equally today which means daughters shoulder almost as much responsibility as sons, and husbands and wives often find they have two sets of ageing parents to care for. It is in such situations that discomforting conflicts of interest arise. Whose parents do we prioritise when it’s time to take special care of them? The human impulse will be to shout out, “Mine, of course.” But these things are a lot more complex. Relationships themselves can never be neatly boxed in black and white. There are numerous shades and variations of grey that we have to navigate across if we’re to find possible, fair solutions.
Our culture is very different from that of China’s, and we certainly do not belong to a ‘one-child’ generation. It is hence easier for us to find the best ways to care for the elderly. We need not spend time fretting about prioritising parents over parents-in-law because we have brothers and sisters who’ll share this responsibility with us. Parents, whether they’re my husband’s or mine, have given us our lives. It is important for us then to love them. We cannot abandon them when they need us most.
My mother will turn 70 in seven months’ time and because we live 450 km apart, the fear of her being left helpless gives me nightmares. Statistics show that children and elderly are the most abused population. What will happen to my parents when they will require love, caring and assistance in every step of their remaining lives? The driving force and the silent mentor behind my well being – my mother – has made me realize that just as she took care of her children with so much purpose will soon need to be looked after.
Care for the elderly seems to be an issue that has not as yet found its way into government agendas. As part of the nation’s workforce, men and women dutifully pay their taxes, and yet when they grow old, they have no option but to fall back on their family—their children who are by the time grown up and taking care of their own families—for support. The Sanchaya Kosh is a small relief, but the introduction, even imposition, of a system akin to a social security scheme—through which employees would contribute monthly certain portions of their salaries to be pensionable when they retire—would prove more effective. Such an arrangement would be a much-needed gift from the government to the people, most of whom work for private companies all their lives and do not have the pension benefits government employees enjoy.
Ageing generations all over the world have contributed to their nations’ development. The same is also true of Nepal and its elderly population who have every right to live a dignified life. It is not only the nation’s government but also its private companies and organisations that have failed its ageing population. There is no system, no plans in place to provide for employees once they retire. Affordable health insurance, retirement pension plans and dignified old age homes are altogether non-existent in Nepal, and one can only hope their need will be realised soon.
Our culture has always focused more on the ‘we’ than on the ‘I’, and while this certainly adds to the integrity of our societies, it also fuels a lack of accountability; there is no single person responsible for an error or failing. This is certainly true of our politicians who are busier playing the blame game than are promoting the nation’s and hence its citizens’ well-being. The modern Nepali middle-class is extremely uncertain of its future; low wages, inflation, soaring prices and limited job prospects plague our generation and it is difficult to provide for both our children and our parents. Having said this, the monetary costs of caring for our parents are not excessively burdensome. Of course, serious illnesses bring along hefty hospital bills but what our parents need most from us are love respect and a sense of belonging.
Most of my college mates settled in the US do not want to return. Limited job prospects might be the main reason most chose to stay back, but the ‘joint family issue’ as some put it is also a major reason. Freedom alone does not signify happiness. Living in a foreign land without family support does have its share of advantages and disadvantages. What happens when we start greying? Will our children take time out from their busy lives to care for their ageing parents?
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