Skip to main content

I am not a bad parent, I just have bad days!

“I am a terrible mother,” the phrase rings naturally in my head when I constantly scream at my three and a half year old daughter with an urge to spank her often. She is a monster in disguise I reason myself when I leave for work heavy with guilt and tears almost brimming from the corner of my eyes once in a while. There are days when she cries from the minute she wakes up only because she does not want to go to school. These days make me want to take a hike and never return. 

But then there are days when she lets out a faint smile begging me to hold her just once before I leave home melts my heart. The mornings when she wakes up happy and cuddles beside me makes me want to have more cute babies just like her. And the time when she comes running to me proclaiming her love louder and louder swells my heart so large I take a long breath to grasp enough air in my lungs. Yes I know, these cute devils grow up fast and I am frequently reminded by my loved ones to spend more time with her before she starts learning to do everything by herself. But the constant emotional bullying and her wailing remind me - one devil is enough for a lifetime.
So what has prompted me to deprive my daughter of her own siblings when I had the opportunity to grow up in a family full of siblings brimming with love, jealous and anger? I had partners in crime and now that all of us have grown up and branched out to our own little sets of families I still have my middle sister to share my bad and good days. Forget the sleepless nights, spillover in my favorite shoe, dress, and linen – name it. Forget the unreasonable tantrums and the never ending hysterical cries. Each time I fail to console her and make things right for both of us I feel like I have lost a battle all over again.
But these are not the reasons I am content with one child. The constant comparison between the children not just at school but even at home starting from her behavior to her ability to learn makes me want to scream – each child is different, they are not machines.
Here I am complaining for an instant because I do not want my girl to be compared with anyone and I know every step of her life she will be in an open competition. But that’s a part of life and I am okay with it because I am not bothered if my friend’s son can speak fluent English or if my cousin’s daughter is dainty and play clean. I am not worried if my daughter cannot narrate the whole ABCs and I am not ashamed if she constantly picks her nose. I don’t care if all the kids her age can swim and dance. I don’t care if she cannot kick the ball as hard as her cousins can. What I care is that my girl grow up confident not a single voice telling her she can’t do it only because she is a girl.
My girl does not need anyone to remind her about the social and artificial disabilities of her gender. Because she has seen women in her lives leading similar or more successful careers than the men. From the time she was born, she has seen her mother and her aunts heading to work driving their own cars, her pediatrician is a woman, her teachers are women and she has flown in airlines that were piloted by women. Yes there are times when I am worried about the influence Snow White, Rapunzle and Sleeping Beauty has on her but she also adores Tiana who succeeds in having her own restaurant and Dora who is an explorer which kind of balances her imagination.
I know parents who selectively choose male child over a girl child and I know parents obsessed by the Hindu tradition worried about lighting their funeral pyre if they only have female children. I am in no mood to contest our Shastras which denote the significance of a male child but I also know for sure that nobody knows what happens after life. So why are we scared of the unknown? I know my funeral pyre will be lit my girl and I am not worried about going to hell if that’s what our Shastra implies but this and the many reasons I stated above are not the reasons for choosing to have only one girl child.
I always preferred a baby girl over a male child and because I am a woman I am slightly biased towards my gender. And I am not rebelling against the Shastras and our Hindu tradition; the fact is I cannot imagine loving another baby (I know there will be love). I am selfish in a way and I want to give all to my girl and secure her future the best to my capabilities. I am also selfish for myself because I do not long for more continuous sleepless nights, regular visits to doctors and the weight gain. There are other facts too. I love my ‘ME’ time and I want to enjoy my time and life with my only girl. The best part is we are all in it together because my girl doesn’t ask for a sibling and both I and my husband are content with just one child.


   

Comments

  1. UnknownApril 27, 2014 at 4:54 AM

    Well written sista. There are so many reasons for deciding to have one child.Couldn't agree more.We all want to live our lives continuing the careers that we chose, which require plenty of our time.Again that 'Me' time is so very important .Of course we want our baby to grow up with many, many travels and lessons in things and places. Financially such traveling wouldn't be an option with more little ones running around. These are just a few of other reasons ,I guess.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A letter to my future teenage daughter

My dear daughter, you are only seven today but you will soon be seventeen. And when you become 17 I know the world will no longer be the same for you and I. We will be together in the same house but we will be distant apart in our heart and head. I was once 17 you know. And like everything else nothing is constant so before you grow up too fast I am writing a letter to you and the million other 17 year olds just like you. Love life - you are going to fall in love - hard. So hard that you are often dizzy with love. A love that is insignificant but withholds you from achieving all your dreams. Dreams that you dreamt when you were barely ten. Dreams that your parents dreamt for you when they first held you in their warm loving arms. Dreams that your mother dreamt for you when you were just a tadpole in her growing tummy. You are 17 and you have just graduated high school. At the verge of becoming an adult. You think you are big enough to make decisions and that you know the best f...
14 comments
Read more

Dreams pursued

My precious Photo: Shradha Giri Last night my nine-year-old and I held hands and cried. We then laughed and then cried again. This isn’t something we normally do – our daughter, our precious one who was quiet for a change sat still, listened to what I had to say. The thing is, I have decided to change my career at this age and it is creating a ruckus which I didn’t think of earlier. I guess no one thinks through until the day one starts working on the decision. I decided a year and a half ago that I would invest in a school. Both my husband and I danced at the idea one idle weekend. We didn’t think of the distance - 500km. A year and a half spent running to banks, local ward office and to tax departments, the deal was done. Just like that with considerable amount of loan on my shoulders, I became a part of the system where I have always wanted to make a difference. I spent the past two weeks in my new role and I was baffled by what I observed (I also spent a few nights c...
8 comments
Read more

Oh boy! women bleed

Menstruation is a taboo. No one talks about it. Women do not openly purchase sanitary napkins. We pretend we don’t menstruate. We refrain from talking about our period at homes and at work places. I have always tried to reason with the stigma vis-à-vis the biological fact a female body goes through. Like how men have beards when they hit pubescent - girls bleed. What’s the big deal I repeat? Often, families and friends laud the teenage boys for sprouting one line moustache or a goatee. The boys are identified for being macho and finally a man. On the contrary, families hide their girls when they start their first period, ashamed when their bodies provide proof that the girl is perfectly healthy and normal. These young girls go on to believe that their bodies have betrayed them. They coax their bodies because suddenly it has made them impure. They can no longer mingle with the other sex openly; they must be mindful and often face exclusion from family functions. They are forced to a...
9 comments
Read more