No country for us

I can be anything. No. No one ever said this to me. I understood. I was a girl. I couldn’t be anything I wanted to be. I knew that because I have been vehemently practical. I knew my limitations yet let my expectations run wild. I grew up with many siblings. My brothers drove cars when they reached grade 8 and when I turned 14, I demanded that my father taught me how to drive too. My father happily obliged. I was obviously excited to be behind the wheels, when I steered and hit the gas I knew there wouldn’t be any boundaries for me. Little did I know being practical and driving a car didn’t mean life’s road will be rosier. 

Past the next generation. I have a baby girl. She is going to embark on a new journey come August and I couldn’t be more excited. She is graduating to grade 1. More so often we converse like any mother and daughter duo would. I am usually either yelling at her or showering her with love.

I tell her constantly she can be anything she wants to be. I refrain from making statements like, ‘you are a girl, so sit properly’ or ‘you can’t do it because you are a girl’. Yes, physically she is different from the boys but should her physical build hinder her from wanting to become who she wants to be? 

She often asks me, “Momma what do you want me to be when I grow up?” I am speechless, to be honest. My first thought is, what do I tell her that would satisfy her. Secondly, I wonder if I should tell her what I want her to be. Thirdly, should I tell her anything at all? Well, I don’t know what I want her to become because for god’s sake she hasn’t even started grade 1. Then I worry. What does ‘anything’ mean to her? Should I be specific? What if she feels the pressure to become ‘something’ that I mention casually just to avoid her probing further. 

How do I make sense of being a girl, a woman, a mother and not being able to define what that ‘anything’ is to my 5 year old. The insecurities thrown at us right from our parental house to our husband’s house and then by the state is overwhelming. The financial insecurities coupled with zillion other social insecurities deeply worry me. Being practical isn’t enough – not now. So how do I go about securing my daughter’s insecurities and her future?  

A sensible country has laws and policies that protect their citizens’ rights. And here I am, citizen of an insensible country that is hell bent on taking away my biological rights – in the path to take away my right to be a mother and an equal citizen. When I say you can do whatever the boys can, am I not lying to my little daughter whose right to be an equal citizen is being violated en masse with wide consultations as we speak? So where do I start mending the insecurities for my daughter. Will I ever be able to define that ‘anything’ to her?