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the ironies of life



Move on! Really, how? How do you move on? Living a life the way I have been doing it for the past three decades. Are you kidding me? It’s not possible! I am so used to the comforts, the love, things and the things. Is it all about things? Deep down I know it is possible, anything is possible, that’s what people say. And that’s what I said – wrapped in my thoughts.

In a nutshell the quake hit us hard. Thousands dead. One of my relatives lost his 16 year old son buried under the rubbles of Dharara right in front of his eyes. Hundreds of children were orphaned and many children face the risk of being trafficked. Villages were wiped out leaving no signs of life ever existing. And monsoon is right around the corner. I know the fate of many people who have lost their homes will endure greater hardships in the coming months. When people don’t have a roof over their head – they hit rock bottom!

I am not writing to complain about the hypocrisy of our donors or our government. We as Nepalese simply know we have to be strong and build our houses and our nation on our own strength. I also know every individual who are lost due to the quake are looking for that strength. I am amongst the many still searching although I still have a roof over my head. I am lucky. 

And then while I am writing this in my office I am constantly checking the water bottle to see if it’s still or shaking. The fear of unknown and the uncertainty of aftershocks has crippled our lives. People are constantly tweeting the strength of the aftershocks - 4.8, 5.4, 4.4 – the numbers pop in my screen and then I worry if it’s not there. All of us are terrified. One strong shock and most of us will start sleeping outside in our gardens. It has taken some good amount of consoling to get back and sleep inside the house. 

Recently, I attended a group counselling session. I felt it was about time I share. No I am not sick and I am not under any medication. I just needed someone to listen to me without judging me. I heard someone in the group mention, there are people with worst problems who have lost everything and the counsellors should prioritize their clients based on the severity of their problems. But who said I was there because I lost my things. The fact is I haven’t lost a thing that didn’t belong to me. What I lost is profound. 

On a lighter note, I had recently changed the curtains in my room. It took me 7 long years to finally shell out some good amount of money to change my blue curtains. It was a pain. Now my room is deserted, it is collecting dust, the new curtains still hang loose. I am sleeping downstairs which now has my old blue curtains. The ironies of life I say, albeit small, never fails to make a difference. 


The irony is we all know our lives are temporary. The problem exists when we start to live it permanently. We knew we couldn’t fight the Mother Nature, we knew the big quake was coming and despite all the information and sensitization none of us were prepared. But are we prepared now? I doubt. 

Despite everything that has happened I can’t help but wish my life was just the way it was, where I moved around carelessly, when I cared about nothing, when I felt secured, when everything and everyone felt certain. I know we will spring back to the way we lived our lives. But for many it will never be the same.    

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