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We aren’t running the world, yet

So what prompts a girl to give up her life? The decision to end one’s life must be one of the scariest one for someone who intends to commit suicide. I was a fool once because I often thought about ending my life when I broke up with my boyfriend or when I failed an exam. It sounds ridiculous now, but back then I believed life stopped and I wouldn’t be able to get over my problems. I am sure everyone in their lifetime thinks ending one’s life will end all problems. I like to think I am wiser now it must be the constant failing and the frequent setbacks from different relationships – I believe life gives much more than we ask for.

This blog isn’t about Bhoomika Kocchar who ended her life at such a ripe age, an age where endless possibilities waited for her; this blog is dedicated to all the women who are fighting their demons in their houses. One of my friends casually commented about Bhoomika’s death and she said, “I can’t come to sympathize her death, she had so many options.” From what I understand after liking her facebook page she was born into a wealthy family and wed into another wealthy family. So with so many options in her life, what made her decide to quit on life? But the problems didn’t end there – her death questions a lot of people involved in her life especially her husband and his family.

I don’t know how many girls end up giving their lives because the constant approval they sought from their husbands – refused. Our culture where we value the sacrosanct of living in a joint family is somewhat to blame the deaths of all these innocent girls. A family repeatedly scrutinizes the daughter in law about her family’s wealth, she is repeatedly compared with other super women, she will be judged harshly compared to the hell’s kitchen boss, her attires will require approval by everyone and her character – oh it has to be squeaky clean. Oh boy where do we find these women?

But we are all these women. All these women who have given their lives for someone who didn’t approve of them I say everyone of you were wrong. Because you did not need any one’s approval to live your lives, because you were stronger and they despised your strength. To all the girls and women in our society who feels bogged down by their husbands or their families I will say one word – fight. Fight your battles and stand your ground. When you know you are right and when you know your parents love you as much as your husband’s parents despise you – nothing should make a difference. It is easy to write compared to living such a life. It is easy to preach but for once I ask all the girls to think beyond their husband and his family. For once I ask you girls to think of your life as an individual – an individual who excelled in her studies, a school captain, an award winner, an inventor, the creator of this human race, and an individual with a mind of her own. 

I fight these perceptions too everyday in my life and some days I cry over it and some days I don’t give a damn and some days I win my battles. And I may not be wealthy enough and I may lack many options in my life but I know I won’t quit.

We have a modest research conducted in Nepal about why women commit suicide. A Maternal Mortality and Morbidity Study, 2008/09 indicates that suicide is the number one killer of women (age 15 – 24) in Nepal. The proportion of suicides increased from 10% in the 1998 MMM Study to 16% in 2008/09. The major causes of these suicides are accounted towards gender based violence and post natal depression. One in three women faces the wrath of domestic violence globally. What is more disturbing than this claim is that women end up giving their lives because they loved and was strong enough to fight the battle hoping for better? 

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