MY STRENGTH – MY MOTHER

Six decades ago, my mother was the only girl child in her classroom. Her cousins and the community turned against my grandfather for sending a girl to school. A smart girl who often tutored math courses to her younger sisters in law. I wonder what kind of life my mother would lead had she completed her education. Always shy and composed my mother has learned the art of hiding her emotions when times have tested her and her faith shaken. Six decades later and a whirlwind of events, my mother defied all odds to remain strong in the face of all her children - never breaking down.

Many times when I would ask my mother how she met dad, she would speak in monosyllables without giving the story a romantic spin – my only interest for romance left for imagination. She must have sensed my intention and sometimes she let out a faint smile but never encouraging me. The questions I asked then as a teenager vary widely to the questions, I ask now as a mother. Being a mother, I now understand the sacrifices my mother made for all her children. Never ending household chores, demanding husband and in laws, and her children waiting for tender care must have been the hardest life I can imagine. 

The chores and the duties to tend to us must have been tiring but she never complained. The zillion sleepless nights I spend while nursing my daughter when ill reminds me of how my mother must have coped with six children. All the decisions I make prioritizing my daughter and my routine reflecting that of hers makes me realize how much my mother gave never asking in return. She has withstood all and has been the only stable factor in my life who loves me unconditionally. I didn’t understand her life and was cynical because my father provided the best of everything; never realizing wealth didn’t and still does not hold any significance to my mother.  

The driving force and the silent mentor behind my well being – my mother – has made me realize that just as she took care of her children with so much purpose will soon need to be looked after. She will turn 70 in 9 months and because we live 450 km apart, the fear of her being helpless gives me nightmares. The world statistics prove that children and elderly are the most abused population and my brothers are the epitome of nuclear families. What will happen to my parents when they will require love, caring and assistance in every step of their remaining lives?

The exodus of young girls happily marrying anyone (no caste, creed, bar or age) who holds a green card or permanent residential permits in foreign countries is proof that our generation prefer foreign lands. Most of my college mates have settled in the US and none of them has a desire to return. The migration could be mainly due to the job prospects but I know many friends and family members also state the joint family issue for staying back. Freedom alone does not signify happiness – living in a foreign land without family support has its own set of advantages and disadvantages. What happens when we start graying? Will our children take out time from their busy schedule to care for their aging parents? 

Our structure is such that despite the huge taxation on salaries the working population when retired is forced to fall back on their family for support. The sanchay kosh is a small relief but the introduction of something like a social security scheme (similar to US where employees contributing a portion of their salary for a certain period are pensionable until they perish) for the non-government workers could be a boon from the government. The pensions could be a huge relief to the aging generation who can no longer contribute to the work force but can still live a dignified life. The repercussions of such a simple measure can be huge such as reducing the importance of a male heir in a family and saving newborn baby girls could be two of the most important change. 

Its not just the government willfully avoiding the conundrum of a healthy aging population; none of the private sectors offers schemes and plans which could benefit the retired population. Lack of affordable health insurance plans, retirement pension plans and dignified old age homes is just some of the issues my generation will realize the need for – it may be too late by then. 

Because our culture is imbibed as the ‘we’ instead of ‘I’ culture it has fueled the lack of accountability from the state towards its citizens. In the midst of never ending political feud every middle class Nepali is uncertain about their future – low wages, high inflation, high land and property prices, and limited job prospects are some reasons behind our generation’s incapability to bear the burden of providing for their children and at the same time looking after their parents. Nevertheless, the cost of looking after our parents requires very less (unless there is a serious illness) – love, respect and a sense of belonging is some of the best things we could give our parents and best of all its FREE. 

Mother’s day is shy of a month and I want to remind everyone that mother’s are irreplaceable and should be celebrated every day. I request everyone to think about how his or her parents fulfilled your every wish at the drop of a hat. You may not have to fulfill all their wishes just spending quality time and showering them with love and care could be your biggest gifts in return – don’t wait for a Mother’s day it may be too late.